im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
