some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
