white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
