I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
