All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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