i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
porn star boner night. come get it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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