I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
