...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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