i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
