Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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