Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
