When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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