All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
