I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
