A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
