Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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