I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
