We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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