how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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