i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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