Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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