Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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