Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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