margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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