dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
