you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
