why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
