Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
