meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
