lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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