Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
