It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
