Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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