i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
