i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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