Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
