We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
