You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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