God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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