I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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