But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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