the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
