Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
