Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
