if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
