the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
