i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
