it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
