you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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