he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
