so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
two words...techno handjob
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
