peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
