this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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