ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
